I was at a friend’s house chatting outside with two other working mothers. We’re discussing the challenges in life. Anything from kids in school, disciplining children, our jobs, lost loved ones and then finally dating after divorce. It was a deep conversation and lots of hurt was exposed. One mother ended up stating how awful she looked, she went on to stay, “I am so fat, I mean, look at me…”as she gestured with her hands going down her body, “I mean, who would want me?”
Whoa! My mind went HOLD IT! Why is she saying those mean words to someone that I care about? Why would she even think that way about someone I care about, and then have the balls to say it out loud? Am I supposed to stand here and accept that?
It was us three ladies just standing in the silence and I looked at her and was very stern, “If you said those exact same words but you were talking to her” as I pointed to our other friend, and you said ‘You know what So and So, you’re so fat, I mean…who would want you?’ Do you think I would stand here and let my friend go through that”?
ABSOLUTELY NOT! And if I was any sort of friend, I would not tolerate that kind of name calling at all! In fact, I’d stand up for my friend. So you know what, I am standing up for YOU, there is no reason we should be talking about ourselves like that, I am supposed to sit here and tolerate that? I won’t.
Those are mean and hurtful words. That’s name calling, that’s rude…and I don’t care if you’re talking about yourself or someone else, it’s the same words, and I won’t accept them. Because you know what? THEY ARE NOT TRUE! And I don’t have to accept lies.
I believe there is beauty in every single person. In fact, if you look at your friend, I’m sure you can find several things nice to say about your friend, even though you know their faults, even though you know their insecurities, you would find words to uplift your friend, correct? Why is that so different for ourselves? It shouldn’t be. We should find words that are uplifting and encouraging. If none come to mind, ask a friend to tell you what they like about you. They are your friend for a reason, obviously they like something about you, maybe it’s time you hear it.
So I put my foot down. And I’m doing it with anyone I come in contact with. I do not believe it is morally right to bash other people, even if they are talking about themselves, that’s my friend they are talking about! They are a person, I’m a person, and I don’t thinking bashing ourselves is right. It gets us no where except a downward spiral into self destruction. I won’t allow my friends to bash themselves, I’ll call them out. And I hope in return, they call me out. Life is hard enough, we need to stand up for our friends, and that starts with standing up for ourselves too.